It’s happening again. A new job. A new life. Growing pains. The works.

I miss everything. I miss my freedom to do nothing. To sleep all day, do whatever I want, spend my savings on anything and everything.

I miss my last workplace. Just like before, this strange new place has drawn out an overwhelming urge to go back to what I am comfortable with.

Oh, how I miss my old workplace. I knew everyone, the processes, the people, pretty much everything. I have proven myself, and everybody told me I did good work. It was comfortable and easy to cruise by. I miss having long chats with Jaymee. I miss sneaking out from work early to have fun. I miss how relaxed and bo chup everyone is because that’s just how things are, you know?

I know that in time, I will grow to love this job and the team. They seem very close-knitted. Helpful. Sweet. 

It’s just the growing pains that I hate to go through with every major change. It sucks and I really hate to go through it. Every. Single. Time.

I feel sad. Despondent that this is my new life now. This will be my new life from now on. Politics and stakeholder management and tight deadlines and nitpicking and small details to go through before anything gets approved.

There's no motivation to do anything. I know it's a good job. Good benefits. Good colleagues. But I can't bring myself to prove myself once again.

I know what I must do to show off how proactive and motivated I am at my work. But. I can't seem to go through it. I struggle to do even one simple task my colleague has asked me. 

Why.

Why why why why