It's been almost 5 years since that faithful day I decided to start a blog to record down my daily thoughts. Looking back, it had been a roller-coaster ride.

I have a lot of resentment and regret built up because I have no idea why awful things happen to me. Maybe they were within my control, maybe they weren't. I won't know. These experiences had drove me to make decisions that affected my future. Some bad, some good. Remembering the bad decisions makes me upset about myself because I know I had the choice to choose something else.

But it is a steadfast rule that light shines brightly in the dark. One of the best things that happened to me was when I joined a club in poly. I've made friends who I love, so, so much. They made me so alive and treasured. I would never have been where I am now without them. I love you all (you know who you are).

One thing I have noticed about myself is that my personality has become more reserved and quiet. I don't like revealing my inner thoughts so easily to people because it makes me feel so exposed. I tried to be more open, but I am so wary of what people would think off me. Do you ever feel that way? Sometimes I envy those extroverted people. I am still painfully shy to strangers and take a long time to warm up to people. In my head, I always think the people around are wondering why am I so cooped up in my shell, never saying anything unless necessary. I know it's just me, maybe they really don't think this way, but I can't help it, you know? It's just a vicious cycle of endless misery.

I am trying to think very positive and change my attitude towards everything.
Perhaps I am getting there. I hope so, with all my heart.

Quoting from Wreck-It-Ralph:

"I am bad, and that is good. I will never be good, and that's not bad."

(pic source: shouwa@tumblr)